im your silver lining.

ive seen some beautiful things in my life. ive seen pain, misery, sadness and somehow viewing all those things turn my thoughts to the gratitude i have for my life. nursing school…im sure you felt  that coming…

-psych rotation=a month and a half long=feelings of holy crap im freaking out=extreme anxiety at the thought of being around people who my brain labeled as unstable

-during/post psych rotation=overwhelming feelings of love=wanting to share the gospel with every patient=remembering im wearing my nursing hat and i cant do that=i diagnose all my friends and people on the street as mentally unstable

i wasnt expecting the reaction i had when talking to strangers with huge life problems. the first day i forgot my badge and as the front desk guy handed me this hand written/paper/safety pin “badge” he told me, “good thing you said something cause we might have kept you.” uhhhhhhhh, my gaping mouth was open so wide that  you could see my frightened soul within. our teacher tried to give us some tips cause she could see the fear in our eyes yet all we had to do this rotation was talk to the patients. no skills or IV’s, not even meds, just therapy for the patient. she told me, dont worry, they will come to you. so as i walked into that dark living room the first day and witnessed my first alcohol detox patient and then the other guy rocking in the corner, i calmly took a seat by the tv half expecting a fist to come flying at me then snatching my pathetic excuse for a badge to make a  run for it. then he came. we sat and talked for hours. well, he did, i was practicing using silence as a therapeutic communication technique. it works. the days flew by and i found a deep love for psych, partly because i relate with these broken people. every drive home was a tearful event. why was i so blessed? yeah my family’s not perfect but there’s love in our home, i have purpose in life, ive had good examples, i aspire to be something. i dont have voices in my head or meth addicts as parents, or a dad that only taught me to never be a snitch. there is a deep obligation within me to lift others after this experience. i needed this to complete nursing school, but i also needed this to help me in life.